Sunday, January 6, 2008

TuesdayWeight

Shauna moved to Hawaii for sun, the fun and of course, surfer buns. She quickly developed a nightlife routine. Tuesday was “the night” to go to Moose McGillycuddy’s on the island of Maui. The great drink specials, music and manweight always made it a special night. One Tuesday in particular she met a manweight that stood out. He kept whispering all sorts of hot, turn-me-on lines in her ear. True or not, Shauna was feeling every word. She tried to turn the increasingly random hook up lines into a conversation, but it turned out, all he could do was turn her on. It wasn’t really going to be an intellectual connection but instead it would be purely sexual, which was totally cool with her. The sex connection became a regular Tuesday thing; they’d meet at the bar, hook up and she’d end up getting manweight at his place. This continued for months; good, solid, consistent weight. One drunken Friday night, Shauna unexpectedly ran into him. He said she should give him a call later and they could get together. After many drunk dials with no answer, she took weight into her own hands and marched right over to his house, where she knew she would end up later anyway. Shauna was so excited when she saw the outline of that man body in the bed they usually shared on Tuesday nights, and she jumped right in. She surprised the manweight who then jumped up out of bed. It was at this point that she got a good look at his face. It wasn’t TuesdayWeight, but his father! Embarrassed beyond belief, Shauna jumped out just as quickly as she had jumped in. Weight must run in the family… (Funny Note: A year later, back on the mainland, Shauna was watching a new reality show on MTV about surfer dudes in Maui and guess who she saw spitting many of the same lines she’d gotten hooked on…TuesdayWeight!)

StripWeight

It was what Alexis and Tori thought would be a regular night. They were having cocktails and catching up on Tori’s most recent manweight experiences, when her cell phone rang. Speak of the Weight; it was this guy she’d been on a couple dates with. He kept hinting that he wanted to come over, but Tori was having fun with her friend. So he pulled out the big guns and said he’d come over and give them both private stripteases. Okay, fine, come over. He showed up totally hammered and began his dance immediately. And oddly enough, it really did, kinda, sorta, turn Tori on. After many a lap dance and thrusting of his pelvis, you know, air humping, everyone was retarded. But that only meant it was time for body shots, and so the sucking and licking commenced. By the time Tori took StripWeight home, he was too drunk to get it up, but he gave her something equally satisfying; a two hour full body massage. He caressed her from head to toe, lathering her entire body with oil and lotion. He used his whole manweight to massage every inch of her. Stroking her up and down, his hands traced every inch of her, his fingers hugging every curve. It was the best night she’d ever spend with that weight. (Just goes to show…it is the manweight that makes the man).

WhoWeight

Maria had just moved to NYC after college. She got her new apartment, her new friends and her new life started. She was kinda settled in…not much of her furniture had arrived but of course she did have her bed. Friday night she went to a birthday party a new work friend’s apartment. She met this hot, black buff guy who was an investment banker. It turned out they had actually attended the same college! He was totally into himself, just completely cocky. But that cockiness worked and had Maria thinking about his cocky. Totally intoxicated later that night, they had great sex and said their goodbyes in the early morning. Four days later, Maria was making her bed (no she hadn’t made it in the mean time or changed the sheets) and found all these business cards with some guy’s name on them. Who the hell did she know who worked at Credit Suisse? And how did these cards get in my sheets??? Maria called one of her friends…hoping they could clue her in as to why she was doing business with someone in bed. “Duh, Maria! That guy you brought home last weekend, with whom you had the, and I quote, “amazing manweight” with? “Oh yeah,” thought Maria…”I guess I never did get his name…”

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33% of voters said that MusicalWeight is a LightWeight.
Profession: Hunter student, bass/vocals in the "dirty dirty", www.myspace.com/dirtydirtynyc (one manhattan band against an army from Brooklyn)
Interests: the cloisters, comics, british soccer
Favorite Bars: O'halligans, Donell's, McAully Smithstone
Favorite Restaurant: Forlinis and end of the day cupcakes at billy's bakery
Where do you meet women: Magic Johnson theater, the playground
Where can we find you on a Saturday afternoon: Chinatown basement card game
Favorite song/music group: Pretty into xtc, gogol bordello