Sunday, January 13, 2008

DeadWeight

Macie was at a cool party at college. Well, it was actually her own birthday party so of course it was cool. A friend of hers was sending an extra special birthday present in the form of a manweight she thought Macie would hit it off with…or at least hit it. He had graduated from her college the year before and had already completed one very successful first year at a hedge fund. Not to mention he had a great body and a totally chill personality. They had spoken a couple of times on the phone and seemed to get along great. Macie bounced around between the 35 or so people who had shown up, checking in with her manweight every now and then. Even when she wasn’t standing next to him talking, she was checking him out from across the room, thinking about how she couldn’t wait to unwrap her manpresent. At the end of the party, it was time for presents! They eagerly unwrapped each other and began hooking up. Macie was pleasantly surprised to find her present had an impressively large package (never judge a gift by the box, ladies). He laid on top of her ready to present his package to her box. He lodged his log inside of her and didn’t move. He was total DeadWeight. Did he know he was inside of her? Why was he just laying there? He barley budged, besides a tiny in-out that did absolutely nothing. What a waste of weight! Here this guy had money, personality, a body, as well as a huge dick and he had no idea what to do with it! This was a lesson to Macie, and please let it be a lesson to all of you: There is such a thing as bad weight, even if the guy has all of the above said qualities…May weight be with you.

VespaWeight

Carolina had just arrived in Rome when she met her VespaWeight. He was a shorter man, but had a physique that led Carolina to believe he could be some good manweight. They met through a mutual friend who helped them mutter through their initial conversation and first few drinks. The more tipsy she got, the more, oh shall we say, confident she became (both physically and verbally). By the time they stumbled off the front step of the bar a few hours later, it had become down right obvious that she wanted his manweight… and maybe even a piece of his manmeat. He was carrying a helmet and something about it turned her on. Maybe it was the way she pictured his manthighs surrounding the seat of his sexy, black vespa? She wanted a ride…on both the vespa and her VespaWeight. How could she get his attention? Hmmm…The helmet! She quickly snatched the helmet from him and slammed it on to her head. Still unfazed (or uninterested, as a sober person may believe), VespaWeight continued to saunter sexily. She began tackling him, pushing him up against the old buildings that lined the narrow streets and tipping him over onto Smart cars wedged between other vespas. Either public safety or maybe this rough housing had actually turned VespaWeight on, so Carolina got her first ride of the night on his vespa and headed back to his house. Once in his apartment, she was ready for a second ride…on him. After eating her out amazingly (with tongue ring and all), he finally laid his weight on her. Mama mia…whatta manweight! She looked past the fact that his underwear looked just like hers and that she wasn’t exactly sure what he was saying…but he just felt so good on top of her. All she could say was “bennisimo…”

CocoonWeight

Everyone knows that a couple that cuddles together, stays together. And there is nothing better than when you can spoon so organically that you could easily share a twin bed. Adeline knew it was weight at first sight with her new manfriend after the first night they really slept together. The few other times they had spent the night together they had incredible, passionate, hot, crazy sex and passed out. Yes, they had woken up in the mornings and resituated themselves so that their legs intertwined and Adeline’s head was back on his strong pecs… but they had never just gone to sleep. She was very tired and had to get up for work early, so she wanted to be comfortable. She went to assume the cuddle commanding position where her head rested comfortably on that pec and his arm wrapped around her shoulder enabling his hand to rest securely on her waist. But something was just off…Though she usually thoroughly, and I mean thoroughly, enjoyed his rock hard arms, abs and everything else, she wanted something a little more cushy. Adeline grabbed a pillow and lined the semi-circle created by his arm and nestled herself back in, kicking her leg over his. She felt like she was in a cocoon. It was unlike any manweight she’d ever had. Not only was his hot body right there, to keep her warm, but she felt so safe. She was so comfortable that she was asleep in seconds and didn’t wake up until her annoying alarm sounded off at 7:30 am.

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40% of voters said that FinanceWeight is a LightWeight.

Profession
: Financial Analyst, aspiring House Music Producer
Hometown: New York
Interests
: Kites, dogs, pub ale, easy livin'
Favorite Bars: McSorley's for happy hour, Sweet Paradise from 4 to 5am and White Horse Tavern
Where do you meet women: on a plane or at the discotheque
If you had an hour to kill on a Sunday, what would you do: It's hard to say; conventional weapons probably wouldn't work on an hour...maybe painkillers?
Boxers or Briefs: Boxer-briefs