SnowWeight

Ana was babysitting on a ski trip in the beautiful snow-covered mountains of Colorado when she saw a young snow honey on the slopes. This weight was athletic. The precision with which he carved his way down the mountain made her hot. He must have caught a glimpse of Ana’s mountains because in no time she was chatting it up with SnowWeight. It wasn’t until five hours later that she realized she was a little more “advanced” than he was, and I am not talking about snowboarding level. He was a junior in high school, an illegal 18 years old and Ana was a senior in college, a barely legal 21. They decided to meet up later in Ana’s hotel room. Ready to party like it was 2022, (when SnowWeight would be 21), she bought a bottle of the finest Smirnoff. After a few drinks, it wasn’t the Smir that was off, but their pants. It wasn’t until after the 18-second (a solid one second for every year) ride that Ana realized she was more advanced than him in other areas too; SnowWeight was a virgin!

SleepyWeight

In a suburb outside of Washington, DC, there lived a girl named Pam. Pam loved to party and was quite a regular at one of the local bars. There was one night a week that was particularly loved: Thursday night, two-for-one drink specials. As she didn’t miss a Thursday, she got very familiar with the other patrons and devotees to the Thursday night debauchery. Pam got so familiar that one Thursday she invited a fellow drink-special enthusiast back to her place. The only problem was that she had a single bed. In order to avoid the awkward, inevitable contortions she would have to suffer through if she shared her single bed with the man soon to be known as SleepyWeight, she promptly blew up an air mattress. Exhausted from all that glass lifting, both SleepyWeight and Pam were, well, sleepy. With one arm around her waist, they fell asleep without so much as a kiss. Pam was completely content with just getting a little manweight. A couple nights later, SleepyWeight called Pam and said he was in the neighborhood and he came over. Pam blew up the mattress and they went to sleep the same way as before. It was nice, but come on, a little weird that there was no other action besides the manweight spooning sessions. This happened another 3 times before Pam began to pay attention to what, or shall I say who, SleepyWeight was on the phone with. Turns out SleepyWeight’s baby’s mother (who he “wasn’t with anymore”) “never left [him] the fuck alone.” Pam’s house was an escape. No hard feelings though. After all, Pam was using him for manweight and he was using her for her air mattress!

GoldWeight

Liza was on the last night of an all-inclusive vacation at a Club Med in Cuba. During the nightly dance performance for the guests, she spotted one particularly fine, tan little dancer. She wanted this tiny Latin dancer to hold her close. Liza made it her mission to find him after his performance and ended up drinking and drinking and, yes, drinking a little more. Soon enough, she and her dancer ended up back in his staff quarters. Sooo Dirty Dancing! Who wouldn’t want their own private dance? They began to hook up. She took off her shirt, he took off his, revealing the very pecs that had been trying to break through his extremely tight, black shirt all night. Next off were Liza’s pants, exposing her turquoise thong. He crawled backwards off the bed to get himself in proper position to seductively pull down the fly of his also notably tight, black pants. As he lowered his zipper, something shiny caught Liza’s eye. She’d struck gold! GoldWeight was wearing a gold lamé thong. Some girls might take this as a sign to turn back, but not Liza. They started hooking up and one thing led to another, which led to GoldWeight putting on a condom. He stuck it in halfway, not all the way, just half. Liza realized she was sleeping with a stranger in a gold thong. She stopped it right then and there and headed back to her room. No one puts it in Liza’s corner!

Your Votes Are In...

17% of voters say that VillageWeight is a LightWeight.

Occupation: Student/DJ
Hometown: NYC (West Village)
School: Alleghany College, Meadeville, PA
Favorite Bars: Milady’s, O’Hannlen, Sway, 205
Favorite Restaurant: John’s Pizza, Mama’s Food Shop
Favorite Tshirt: NBA Knicks Jam Session (1996)
Interests: Pegleg.com, drinking and hardcore drugs, golf
Favorite Spot to Meet Women: Planned Parenthood
Most Recently Played on his ipod: “Killer Parties”The Hold Steady



18% of voters say that SkateWeight is a HeavyWeight

Location: East Village, NYC
Occupation: Manager of downtown skate shop, Supreme.
Favorite Bar: Odeon
Favorite Drink: Heineken
Favorite Restaurant: Pakistani Tea House
Favorite Pizza: Joes pizza on Carmine
Interests: Starks Laces, Skating, Surfing
Favorite NYC neighborhood: Tribeca, which Skate weight Refers to as L.W.S